achievements.

it is over.
at times, i thought it would never come. i for sure thought it would not come soon enough. and the last two hours felt like two whole days i was waiting, repeating my actions, waiting on the results, repeating, waiting. you get the picture.

it is inventory. and i get it, it only happens once a year and i totally understand why…aside from the real reasons. the long hours, those last two in particular.
the preparation. the execution.
it went well, actually…somewhat to my surprise [really not seeing how it could these past few days as i realized even more that i had to do before today could commence], somewhat to preparation and a lot of hard work, somewhat to fabulous trainers who have prepared me for such times, somewhat to sheer luck [maybe beginner’s luck you might call it], somewhat to worry from mulling things over and over and over in my mind.

after all is said and done, i feel a huge sense of accomplishment. it is finished. i have successfully completed my very first inventory as a store manager…no major hiccups, no major setbacks [after all of the inventory horror stories have put an intense fear within]. and funny how proud [and relieved] i feel…almost more than any other time in life, more than graduation from college, from grad school.

but maybe it is more of a sense of relief. relief from things, the last three months that have ended in today’s events. the last three months of firsts for me.
i am done.
I AM DONE!
my first holiday season as a general manager.
my first inventory.
the end of Q4 and fiscal 2010.

what a relief…filled with gratitude that i survived, and anticipate more achievements to come [but not for a few weeks, please].

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can’t sleep.

i can’t sleep…well, more like it, i am having problems clearing my brain to actually fall asleep or once awake [too early in the morning to be awake] to clear my brain again to return to sleep.

take this morning, for instance, my husband was getting ready to go to work so i woke up like i normally do just to tell him goodbye.
that was 4:45am…i am still awake.
couldn’t go back to sleep.
i was worried he wouldn’t eat breakfast, or take his lunch [neither of which he did, even at my persistence and getting up to go to the frig to remedy this],
i needed to put the baking ingredients out to get to room temp, i couldn’t find mom’s chocolate chip cookie recipe, then went on a hunt to find it [only after sending her an email at 5something am…as if any other normal human being would be awake], found it, then sent her another email disregarding the first.

and now, some mere 3 hours later, i have baked 2 batches of mom’s cookies, have a pan of brownies in the oven, washed all the dirty dishes from the said baking ventures, balanced the checkbook, made my target and home depot list [2 errands to run before showing up to work in a few hours], checked facebook a few times, caught up on the news, and now i am sit at my computer typing out this blog.
still nothing to eat [and i was worried about my husband]…but i have been too busy to spend time on such trivial things this morning.

i have a lot on my mind.
i am stressed, worried, nervous.
about today.
about tomorrow.
about tuesday.
and then it is done…for now.

today…the final preparations [and there are many].
worried i won’t get it all done.
worried it won’t be like i want it, like i planned, like i expected.

tomorrow…the counting commences [and comes to an end].
worried i won’t have enough people.
worried it will go too slow.
worried about the 3pm gap.

tuesday…the showing off of my last 3 months [and telling of what is to come].
worried it won’t look good, polished…or that it will look just plain dirty and sub-standard.
worried i won’t have thought of something.
worried i won’t have the answers…or thought of the possibility of that question.

and probably worried i won’t be good enough…for my own expectations or others.
one is a losing battle and the other isn’t one worth waging…but i still do, on both accounts.

maybe tuesday i will sleep…or at least pass out from sheer mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion.

i’m back…

i’ve been gone for awhile…a long while. and it seems like a long time has passed and many changes have taken place since my last posting of almost 3 months ago.
i guess that happens.
i guess that happens when you unexpectedly pack up your belongings, say your goodbyes, and move across country…all the while making plans for your new lives elsewhere.
i guess that happens when you [+the husband] get a promotion…in a new store [+the husband with a new company].
i guess that happens when you enter the stage to the said new job, the said new store, the said new company at the busiest time of the year.
i guess that happens when you throw in 3 holidays in between.
i guess that happens when the in-laws come for their first ever visit for 10 days…while you are working at the said above new positions.

caught in a whirlwind.
the craziness seems never ending.
finding balance seems like a pipe dream.
ready for the calm.
ready for a semblance of routine.
ready for time to sit, to read, to write, to run [again]…or even feel the motivation to do such things.
ready for a life beyond work, sleep…and a little family [and not much friend time] mixed in.

but until the settling comes, here are some pics of the exploration of our [new]found home city.