sometimes it is beneficial.
sometimes it is detrimental.
it is usually hard.
it is sometimes easy.
it takes time to adjust.

there have been several changes of late in my life…ones that have made me contemplate the current status of things and long for the past.

the design of my blog for one.
i am not sure what happened–actually, i am completely clueless. last night as i signed on to write a post, my blog looked different.
it was a different color.
the links weren’t quite where i left them.
and when i wrote my posting, only the first 1/3 of it posted…the rest was lost to my own personal viewing.

this change has been hard. i want things to return to normal.
i spent much time last evening trying to return things to normal.
i have spent much time this evening trying to recreate something i like.

this change is not easy, i am relishing the past, and am trying to adjust to the present status of things.


dear baby jesus.

i was watching talladega nights for the first time last night when it came to the “dear baby jesus” prayer….
enough said.

even though i have heard about it, it didn’t spoil it for me. definitely think it was my favorite part.

even though the writers meant for this to be a funny scene–a spoof on prayer–i thought about how realistic this prayer really is.
it says a lot about how we view jesus,
the way in which we pray to jesus,
how we view prayer,
and what we anticipate from our prayers.

dear tiny infant jesus….
i like the christmas jesus best and i am saying grace. when you say grace, you can say it to grown-up jesus, teenage jesus, or bearded jesus or whoever you want.
dear tiny jesus…
he was a man. he had a beard…
look, i like the baby version the best…
i like to picture jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt…
i like to picture jesus as a ninja…
i like to picture jesus with giant eagle’s wings.

how do we normally view jesus?
do we always view him as a man, the bearded man we always see in pictures?
is it just at christmas that we view jesus as a baby, an infant, a tiny person?
do we ever view jesus as a teenager?
do we think that jesus might actually wear a tuxedo t-shirt and go to a party, actually having a good time (john 2.1-11)?

believe it or not, this prayer actually challenged me to think about jesus differently–as the tiny infant, as the young kid teaching in the synagogue, as the teenager learning his dad’s trade, as a carpenter, as a young man beginning his ministry, as…
the list could go on…and should.


for a time we lived in harmony. but like all great power some wanted it for good, others for evil. and so began the war. a war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death.
~from the movie, transformers.

this quote, uttered by optimus prime, at the outset of the movie sets the stage for what is to come. it is an all-out war between good and evil, good offering life whereas evil offers death. the war that wages on between the 2 powers…until one must come to an end.

as i listened to this quote, i realized this story seems vaguely familiar to one i am well acquainted with. the story of existence of good, and then the existence of evil, the 2 powers standing in opposition and clashing, the resulting battle, and the knowledge that one will inevitably end.

good to know that good will ultimately triumph evil…

pep talks.

ever noticed how the pep talk before the championship by a coach in sports movies is always so inspirational, calm, and composed? not that i have ever witnessed any in such a pinch personally, but it doesn’t seem like these sports’ movies depict the pep talks realistically…maybe more a bit ideally.

are coaches always that composed, never seeming as if they’re nervous?
do coaches always exude that much confidence in their players?
are the speeches they make always so inspirational…or just in the miraculous games that result in a win…or just in the movies?

even though i love sports movies, even though i love movies based on true stories, even though i love the down-and-out who prove themselves and capture the W, even though i cry every time…
these last minute pep-talks seems a bit nostalgic to me.

taste of home.

hung out with lydia and pierre in rancho cucamonga tonight.
decided to get dinner.
thought about the hat–known for their world-famous pastrami–until lydia mentioned lucille’s bar-b-q.

i have to admit that i was a bit skeptical, even as i read the menu which boasted: “the best bar-b-q in the country or maybe the state or maybe the whole south!”

lydia said she had never seen me so excited about food before, as i read aloud the options listed…
fried dill pickles.
fried okra.
pulled b-b-q pork sandwiches.
potato salad.
sweet tea.
cheese grits.
sweet potatoes.
fried catfish.
banana pudding.
…just to name a few.

one might not find all of these options on the menu of a southern bar-b-q joint, but all of them are southern delicacies.

i felt at home.

ate until i was stuffed, then took a whole plate of food to-go. most excited about the leftover greens pierre gave me (although they substituted spinach for turnip greens–the best part!).
felt so good to come “home.” topleft


spending christmas in pasadena, away from all that is familiar and devoid of all tradition, was more of a pleasant experience than i could have imagined. i began the day with margit and her family as we watched the kids open their gifts.

there were multiple opportunities to play guitar hero III, dance dance revolution, and sing star on the play station. i think hansen played guitar hero most of the morning, while mary proved her skills at dance dance revolution. i am sure the kids enjoyed sing star but it seemed margit and i were the ones enjoying it the most, singing all the 80’s hits…with or without the mic.
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sarah was far less impressed with the playstation games, passing them up for her make-up set. she spent hours giving herself a makeover as she and mary prepared for a fashion show we never had.
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then, i became the subject of a makeover. funny how i never wear make-up in real life, but i allowed myself to get “made-up” by a 6 year-old. who needs burke williams or spa 180 when you have personal make-up artist, hair-stylist, and manicurist sarah peck at your disposal?
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reflecting on christmas.

working retail management at christmas removes something of the holiness of the holiday (or for me it has).

i have had a hard time separating the day from its meaning.
i have had a hard time reflecting on what it means to me personally, rather than simply what it means to me professionally.
i have had a hard time resting and relaxing amid the chaos of retail.
i have had a hard time knowing how i should see this holiday and feel in response and how devoid of feeling i am at the moment.

with rest, relaxation, and refreshment comes a renewed line of thinking and corresponding feeling. i eagerly await this.