i have had similar conversations lately–one with a friend yet to be married and one with a friend seasonally married. a conversation about re-acting to situations, rather than acting or responding.
both contexts: a situation involving a couple, the woman’s expectations (this is the only perspective which i heard), lack of complete and open communication, and the impending results when the situation failed to achieve the desired result.
instead, what occurred was a reactionary conversation, action, and behavior.
based on emotion.
based on previous circumstances.
based on unresolved issues.
based on striving to be quite the opposite of the end result…and fulfilling this role again.
…or at least some part based on the previous.
i found it easy to objectively point out what was going on as the stories unfolded…to diagnose the situation, to see how the situation so easily escalated.
so, why couldn’t i do the same just days later when i was in the situation, when i was overcome with emotion, when i focused on previous circumstances, when i couldn’t get over or past my unresolved issues, and i became that which i sought otherwise.
i reacted, i failed to act and i even failed to respond.
i want, like my friends mentioned earlier, to act otherwise than the role that seems to come so natural.
i want to break old patterns, old habits, forming new ones that are healthy for myself and others.
i want to respond as situations arise with emotional stability,
with new perspective–not based on previous circumstances,
not as a reactionary, but as one who acts.