peeved.

i just decided a pet peeve i have. it involves watching things–in this particular case, movies–with others who have already seen them. therein, lies the peeve.
others giving away the movie…however naively they may be doing so.
others trying to figure the movie out…out loud.
others making comments constantly throughout the movie…just watch it, no extra commentary needed.
others explaining what is going on…no additional narration needed, please.
i have just decided this because i find myself in such a situation at the present…and i find myself getting annoyed at the situation.

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316.

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empty and clean.
packed up and moved out.
what was once occupied is now vacant.
ready and waiting for a new resident.
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316.
it’s been my home now for almost 3 years…my first and only residence in california.
it’s been my refuge…somehow a reminder of home, of comfort, of that which is familiar when all that surrounded me was strange and new.
it’s been my sanctuary…a place of rest physically, mentally, and spiritually.
it’s been my space…my space for welcoming, my space for baking, my space for cooking, my space for sleepovers, my space for hosting, my space for studying, my space for reading, my space for paper writing, my space for blog-writing, my space for catching up, my space for contemplation.

but now it’s time to find a new space…a new space all my own.

bad news…?

“i’ve got bad news followed by worse news, but then i’ve got good news followed by better news” was vaguely how the conversation occurred.

bad news…what bad news?
it wasn’t quite what i had expected, nor would i necessarily qualify it as bad news. maybe it was bad news because of the trouble it caused, maybe. maybe i would more aptly call it disappointing.
but not disappointing enough to deter me or doubt the decision made.

the good news? well even though things won’t turn out as expected, they are moving…moving in a general direction. and the better news?
well now things are going to get even more interesting…
even more seems to be at stake…
even more to prove.

rest.

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.
~Ovid, Roman poet

feel like i need a little rest these days…
packing,
changes at work,
new management,
corporate visit,
going through stuff,
getting rid of stuff…my stuff,
moving,
closing at work…every night,
knowing i need to look for an apartment…yet not.

rest.
maybe one day…
maybe one day soon.
maybe after i’ve cleaned my apartment.
maybe after i’ve settled in my “in-between” place.
maybe after i’ve done some research on craigslist.
maybe after i’ve gone to look for an apartment.
maybe after i’ve found a new place to live.
maybe after i’ve settled into my new place.
maybe…
maybe then i’ll rest.
and maybe then i’ll yield a bountiful crop.

thinking.

i’ve been doing some thinking the past few days, after a few conversations have compelled me to do so.
thinking about who i am, who i’ve become, who i am in the moment, who i am when pressed, who i am on my own.

conversation 1. at work.
even though i tried being helpful, i don’t think i truly was. it’s not that i was accusatory, but i just didn’t do exactly what she wanted. i didn’t give the customer the benefit of the doubt. i asked questions, but hoping to deter a return rather than actually servicing the guest.
i have replayed the conversation over and over again.
where did i go wrong?
where did i fail to offer great customer service?
and i have resolved to treat the guest like i would want to be treated…novel concept, eh?
i have resolved to handle the next situation differently.
i want to offer better service.
i want to be one that customers want to deal with…one who listens, who empathizes, who respects, who seeks to understand. i don’t want to be led–to be led into situations or along a path that i did not intend. instead, i want to lead. i want to set the bar. i want to facilitate conversation, not close it off.

conversation 2. with a friend.
about the perils of consumerism…the corruption of corporations.
how do i fit here?
is it wrong, is it right…is it so dichotomistic?
should another’s opinion dictate my own?
are corporations inherently bad, evil, corrupt?
aren’t we all consumers of something–the question remains which kind and how does our consumption affect/determine who we are?
and so the questions swirled about me as i wrapped up the packing, moving, storing.
what kind of possessions do i own?
do they own me?
am i driven by them?
am i fine without them?
and what kind of consumer am i?
how faithful am i living out the gospel–living simply, living holistic, living christ-centered?
what does that look like…does it look the same for everyone, or is each situation different, each person different, each conviction different?
i have stuff…i have a lot of stuff. and i live/work in a culture surrounded by stuff, having stuff, accumulating more stuff. in america. in middle-upper class environments. in a high-end environment.

so today, i asked a few friends, “just how much stuff does one need,” and i shared some other thoughts going through my mind. how affirming they were. affirming of me, affirming of who i am, affirming of how i live my life, affirming of the choices i’ve made, affirming of the paths i have chosen to walk, affirming in ways i needed to hear. and although i am trying to make sense of the questions, i feel a little more balanced and well-equipped to do so. i feel a little more understood. i feel a little more like myself.

come and gone.

my last spin class at the Y has come and gone.
my movers have come…and are now gone.
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my bare-walled room looks vaguely like it did just moments after i moved in.
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come and gone.

seasons of our life seem to do that…they come and they go.
life, like the tide, ebbs and it flows.
seasons begin, never truly ending, just transitioning into the next.

it’s my next.
it’s my time to transition.
it’s my time to move out.
it’s my time to pursue what lies ahead.
it’s my time to forge new paths.
it’s my time to live a new adventure.

old times…they’ve gone.
new times…they’re to come.