who am i?

what defines me?
who am i?

emotional
jealous
hardheaded
easygoing
sensitive
understanding
insecure
manipulative
bohemian
compliant
skeptical
high maintenance
granola
over-analyzer
trusting
sporty
stubborn
accommodating
outdoorsy
controlling
chaotic
tailored
self-sacrificing
protective
understanding
creative
self-assured
talkative
organized
disheveled
communicative
pessimistic
impatient
giving
frustrating
fashion conscious
serious
cranky
easily frustrated
generous
confident
evasive
stylish
martyr
realist
materialistic
sarcastic
witty
intuitive
innovative
playful

some i assume about myself.
some others assume.
some i just wonder if i am…or if i am becoming…or if i have ever been…or hope i am not.

moving.
surrounded by new people.
new phase of life.
new relationships.
so many changes.
because of these i begin to question who i am.
not what people say i am.
not what my environment or situations dictate.
but who i am…really.

Advertisements

valkyrie.

DSC_0060
valkyrie.
sitting in the theater waiting for it to start, faisal whispered that elizabeth berkeley was sitting next to us…better known to me as jesse spano from saved by the bell, only my favorite after-school show.

back to the movie.
even though i had wanted to see it, i wasn’t quite sure the actual premise of the movie–quite the way i see a lot of movies, unknowing what is to come.
intense. emotional. based on a true story.
and even though i guess i could have seen the end coming, i still didn’t…somehow.

believing in something so strongly that you will do whatever it takes to make it happen…whatever “it” is.
believing that you can make a difference…despite the obstacles surrounding you.
believing that it doesn’t always have to be this way…and that you can do something to change it.
believing that “it” (the same reference above) is worth it, worth everything…and being willing to risk everything for it.

the rest of the day.

photo(2) calling of the family back in bama.
mom, at her house, and the rest at dad’s.

making christmas morning breakfast…southern style. biscuits and gravy. i made the biscuits, faisal claimed he made the gravy…stirred it more like it.
DSC_0012 DSC_0014 DSC_0016

getting ready for the day ahead…at 4pm, after napping all day.
photos taken from the D90…mom’s christmas gift.
DSC_0037 DSC_0042 DSC_0041

after a failed attempt at eating KFC, faisal’s christmas tradition (which was closed, by the way), and seeing valkyrie (which was sold out until 10:40pm), we settled–quite randomly–at 25degrees, a 1920s-esque diner of sorts in hollywood’s hotel roosevelt. a much better alternative than either…in my opinion.
a new tradition, maybe?
photo(7) photo(4)
photo(8) photo(13) photo(11) photo(3) photo

christmas…from my perspective.

only minutes into christmas morning, faisal woke me (from the nap i was taking…during the movie we were watching) to open up christmas gifts. i wasn’t so lucid but i obliged him anyway.
DSCN1941 DSCN1960

my present was obvious…obviously mine being monogrammed with my initials.
DSCN1938 DSCN1940 DSCN1944 DSCN1948
DSCN1955 DSCN1950
DSCN1953 DSCN1954
DSCN1956 DSCN1958 DSCN1961 DSCN1966
DSCN1962 DSCN1967
DSCN1970 DSCN1976
DSCN1968 DSCN1969 DSCN1977 DSCN1978

then on to my opening spree of all the gifts sent from the fam back in bama.
DSCN1989 DSCN1992 DSCN2003 DSCN2004 DSCN2013 DSCN2018 DSCN2022 DSCN2035
…and my “just because” gift from faisal.

christmas…

only minutes into christmas morning, faisal woke me (from the nap i was taking…during the movie we were watching) to open up christmas gifts.

How does someone fall asleep during The Count of Monte Cristo???? The day lay ahead of us and all we could do was sleep. we woke up for a little bit, but then went back to sleep. i think retail exhaustion finally set in.

ten straight days of can i help you?
you can’t get 4 discounts on that
i know the economy is bad, but that isn’t an excuse to give you a discount
yes, we will accept your black amex titanium card
no, i still won’t give you a discount because the economy is bad
oh for the love of god lady, we will put some samples out
ma’am, can you get your dog off the counter?
ummmm, there is only one line
which one you ask?
the long one to the left that you and i are both looking at right now
ok, who stole my coffee

that is retail exhaustion…. and from that comes christmas day sleep

faisal highjacked my blog as i writing christmas from my viewpoint…apparently, this is his. mine to follow…

i wonder…

i feel like i’ve done a lot of questioning today, a lot of wondering. it’s not like i had time to sit around and contemplate these things…they somehow found a way to camp in my mind throughout the day, throughout the hustle and bustle of last minute christmas shopping (not necessarily my own, but others), throughout the 690 transactions, throughout the customer service issues that found me apologetic yet numb.

while talking to a friend this afternoon about how her perspective has changed this year about what matters most,
i wonder why i’m in california for christmas…thousands of miles separating the me from the ones i love most.
i wonder why i’m here on december 23rd…mom’s birthday, just 2 days before christmas, and unable to go home (i looked at flights earlier today…to no avail).

after reading the email,
i wonder why we keep tabs….
i wonder why we keep a tally…
i wonder why we’re in competition when we’re supposed to be a team…
i wonder if i’m cut out for this.

and after having a disagreement,
i wonder how people can view situations so differently,
i wonder how to handle it all…flooded with a myriad of thoughts and emotions,
i wonder why i don’t remember or why it never occurred,
i wonder what people can be so afraid of,
i wonder what i’m afraid of,
i wonder what motivates me,
i wonder will it ever work out.

i wonder why him…why must he face even more,
i wonder why i’ll be alone,
i wonder what i’ll do,
i wonder what’s most important,
i wonder if it’s worth it,
i wonder if i’ll change my mind.

i wonder…