some days are just like this.
some days are just overwhelming.
some days just make you want to go crawl into bed, pull the covers over your head, and hide from the outside world.
some days you just need a break from your life, your reality, just you.
some days are just too much.
some days sometimes turn into some weeks.
and i believe i have been having such a week.
some days where it seems like you cannot do anything right…no matter how hard you try.
some days where you try to make sure everything is right…only to annoy those you are trying to make right with you.
some days where you give 120% and the job requires 220%.
some days where you give in to your fears, your insecurities, your past, your imagination, your issues.
some days where you don’t even have to give in but others put it out there for you to see plainly.
some days where it seems others are out for you.
some days where you realize others will manipulate you, step on you, and do whatever needs to be done to get what they want.
some days where the clouds seem to lack a silver lining…or you just lack the ability to see them, to believe they exists.
some days where no matter how hard you try to help, you are perceived as not helping, not caring…and then complain about you.
some days where you try to empower others, only to have it blow up in your face…seeing that you should have taken control and leaving the empowering session for another day.
some days where you spend all your day marking things up, only to have them go up again the next week…and spend all that day marking the same things up [again].
some days where you do double the business with less manpower…some weeks…some months.
some days where you have to confront that which you would rather not.
some days where you have to admit that others don’t see the world the same way you do…no matter how hard you try to convince them otherwise.
some days where you realize just how much is out of your control.
some days where you have a hard time trusting, believing, seeing a different perspective.
some days where you are weak, fragile, insecure, wearing it all out there for others to see [and that is not pretty, although it may be authentic].
and some days you just feel like a failure.
not necessarily a literal failure, but just one in your mind.
one where all that you have set out to accomplish can be washed away in just a few brief minutes, a few short hours, or a mere few days.
one where it seems you have taken so many steps back that you must run to catch up to where you were just days ago.
one where you wish you could hit rewind and run that scene again…oh how differently things would have played out the second time around.
but these days exist.
and there is nothing we can really do to change them.
they happen. just accept it.
learn from them…every insight that can be gleaned from such days.
learn and apply immediately…so as more days such as these do not occur more than they must.
learn and apply and change what needs to be changed…no matter how hard, no matter how difficult, no matter how much it changes your perspective of yourself, no matter how much you just don’t want to face it.
learn and apply and change and move on.
moving on…always the hardest part for me.
i take things so personally.
i want to be heard, to be understood, to be agreed with, to be vindicated, to be right, to be in control, to be a success, to be better than i really am.
i want to move on…but sometimes i just get caught in the rut, or in first gear.
it takes [me] awhile.
but i am tired of having days [weeks] like these.