so i’ve seen these signs all around the past few weeks. it sparked some conversation between hayden and i when she was in town. i vaguely recalled a book by that title, to which i posed the question to her. she affirmed the fact and said she had read it. i made a mental note to check it out before seeing the movie.
not only did hayden and i have some conversations surrounding the upcoming movie release–namely how we both wanted to see it–but we had some interesting exchanges about our previous relationships. some healthy aspects of these…and some otherwise. since we have both walked with each other through past relationships, it was therapeutic–in a sense–to talk openly about them and what we have learned…
and maybe what we still need to learn.
before she left, she gave me a copy of this book, which i just finished reading.
a cause to write this blog.
a cause to reflect on even the snippets of conversations had between hayden and myself.
a cause to reflect on relationships in which i have been a part.
he’s just not that into you…
it’s a book written by greg and liz, writers from the tv series sex and the city.
it’s a book written from a male and female perspective…one married and one single…one straight-forward and one more sympathetic…yet both agreeing that
men are not complicated, although they’d like you to think they are. and there are no mixed messages. the truth may be
through a series of created letters, women offer their excuses of why they are the exception and not the rule. greg, however, counteracts with his famous 6 words…
he’s just not that into you.
i read a few of my own letters in the book…or very well could have been mine.
i read various excuses i have made in past relationships…excuses validating just how much into me he was.
i read the harsh reality that, indeed, he just wasn’t.
i read why it is hard to accept the cold hard truth, offered by liz, who is a bit more sympathetic to the female plight to find love (at all costs it seems sometimes). a little bit easier to take when it seems someone else understands, or who has been there and feels, thinks, acts similarly.
and i read constant encouragement offered by greg about why i shouldn’t settle for someone who just isn’t into me. how i’m worth it. how i deserve it. how i should want it otherwise.
good advice. even better if i/we can put it into practice.
it brought back memories of guys who seemed into me with their words, but quite the opposite in their actions. it brought back some hurt. yet it brought with it a freedom to see this reality. it brought some laughs that i truly believed i was different…that i was the exception.
and it causes me to evaluate relationships i have with men.
what expectations do i have for the guys i date?
what expectations should i have?
do i expect too much…or do i expect too little?
do i make it easy, not having to do too much work to snag me–such a prized catch…or do i make it hard to win the prize (borrowing some positive language from greg that he believes about me)?
why do i settle for less?
why do i make excuses?
and what excuses am i currently making?
i want to be a woman who is worthy of being pursued…and allows a man to pursue her.
i want to be a woman who is upfront with what she expects out of a relationship.
i want to be a woman who can love with confidence knowing i am into a man who is into me.
i want to be a woman who recognizes when a man is just not into me and can walk away wanting more for me, for him, and from a relationship.
i want to be a woman who accepts the truth about myself, believing that i am worth it and respect myself enough not to settle for less.