i was having a conversation with one of my cousins over dinner recently and somehow we started talking about being settled [in a particular physical location, or with your present state in general]. i seem to recall her sharing about how long it took her moving back to alabama [from california], back to where she grew up, back to her roots before she felt settled. and i seem to recall the last time i talked to her this same topic came up.
these thoughts began to circulate in my brain about the notion of being settled. and i definitely don’t think i’m there.
but why not?
it seems like i should be settled, settled in this place i have returned to now 365+ days ago, settled in such familiar surroundings, settled in my roots.
but i am not…and i guess it just takes time.
it takes time to make home here.
it takes time to make adjustments–huge ones–to the life and surroundings you have known for the past 5 years.
it takes time to settle your physical being, your emotions, your mental state, and your spirit.
being settled isn’t necessarily about a physical location, although that obviously weighs in…but it’s more about the condition of the person who is in process of settling.
and i am not sure why it is so hard…
or why it has been so difficult for me here…
or even how long it should take someone to adjust and to settle.
i know there have been changes…and pretty big ones. and maybe that is why.
but i am ready to feel a little more like home,
a little more at home,
a little more comfortable with my present circumstances.
yet with these said big changes, i have failed to do what is necessary to settle. i have often felt tossed about, just hanging on. and it seems so different–so vastly different–from making california my home six years ago…but then i had no choice, nothing was familiar.
and maybe i just don’t remember what it was like that first year…
maybe i am just not giving myself enough time and patience to settle.