act like a lady…

i got an unexpected package at work a few weeks ago…a book from amazon that a friend at work sent me. she had seen steve harvey on oprah when he was talking about his book, act like a lady, think like a man.
through the letters that women write and the answers he provides on his show, harvey concludes,

women have made it clear that they want an even exchange with men: they want their love to be reciprocated in the same way they give it; they want their romantic lives to be as rewarding as they make them for their potential mates; they want the emotions that they turn on full blast to be met with the same intensity; and they expect the premium that they put on commitment to be equally adhered to, valued, and respected. ~pages2-3.

and this is the reason harvey writes this book: to make it obvious to us women. we clearly don’t get it; we can’t figure out why we will never get that even exchange we seek from men.

harvey’s comedic approach makes his blunt honesty bearable…and eye-opening.
it wasn’t so much harvey’s commentary on men, but rather, his accurately assessing myself as a woman that was more eye-opening.

newsflash: it’s not the guy who determines whether you’re a sports fish or a keeper–it’s you….you’re the one with total control over the situation….where you stand in our eyes is dictated by your control over the situation. ~page73.

and maybe that is a newsflash…a newsflash since it seems we, at least as good southern christian women, are taught to wait and to assume more of a passive role in relationships. i’ve never thought of being in control, really…which may explain why i have felt so out of control in many relationships. it’s not that i want to be in control–or a control freak–but at least to be more in control. more in control of how i am perceived (and subsequently valued), more in control of getting what i want from relationships, more in control of how i perceive myself. and i’m working on it…

it seems that i have a tendency in making it really easy for guys i date–easy in the accommodating sense. very little requirements, few expectations (in some realms). i guess i land here…

when you’re not aware that all men have plans, you’re not placing requirements on him, and if you’re not setting any ground rules, then you’re essentially telling him that you’re open for his rules. ~page65.
…when you lay out your requirements for us. and we need you to do it up front, so we can decide if we’re up for the challenge. ~pages118-119.

myself, like other women–or a lot of women, according to harvey–fail to see that “men respect standards–get some.” for me, maybe it’s not that i don’t have standards, but more or less requirements or expectations. and why? harvey assumes that most women are afraid of losing him…the man. maybe i fit this bill. instead, we should (and i realize this, although it’s not what i always do…but maybe i will now) live without fear, make requirements, be not afraid of losing him, set some standards, and allow him to decide if he wants it…or if it’s worth it.
you’ve just got to…

let him know now what you want and expect. make clear to him what you’re worth, and that you come at a cost; tell him how much you’re worth like you’re about to list yourself on eBay for a million dollars. ~page201.

think i will…
because i really am kind of a big deal…and i’m worth it!

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