i’m not sure the impetus, but i am very aware of the result.
not sure if it was beginning to read a thousand splendid suns…and the women’s issues it raises.
not sure if it was having some contact with the last 3 guys i’ve dated in one week…and the myriad of emotions that brings along with memories (conversations we have had, roles i have played, mistakes i don’t wish to repeat).
not sure it if was having discussions with faisal about business in general…and my admonition of how i felt treated previously.
but it all somehow played into my status update on FB this a.m.:
jen is tired of all this.
i am tired of how things are.
i am tired of how i let them become so.
i am tired of being so accommodating, of requiring so little, of assuming the same roles, of giving so much of myself, of caring so much.
i am tired of doing his job…he representing many.
i am tired of finding myself in the same place…again, or a similar one.
i am tired of not standing up for myself, of not expecting a lot, of expecting things will be different, of accepting things as they are (regardless if they are right), of hoping things will get better.
i am tired of it all…
i am tired.