i’ve been doing some thinking the past few days, after a few conversations have compelled me to do so.
thinking about who i am, who i’ve become, who i am in the moment, who i am when pressed, who i am on my own.

conversation 1. at work.
even though i tried being helpful, i don’t think i truly was. it’s not that i was accusatory, but i just didn’t do exactly what she wanted. i didn’t give the customer the benefit of the doubt. i asked questions, but hoping to deter a return rather than actually servicing the guest.
i have replayed the conversation over and over again.
where did i go wrong?
where did i fail to offer great customer service?
and i have resolved to treat the guest like i would want to be treated…novel concept, eh?
i have resolved to handle the next situation differently.
i want to offer better service.
i want to be one that customers want to deal with…one who listens, who empathizes, who respects, who seeks to understand. i don’t want to be led–to be led into situations or along a path that i did not intend. instead, i want to lead. i want to set the bar. i want to facilitate conversation, not close it off.

conversation 2. with a friend.
about the perils of consumerism…the corruption of corporations.
how do i fit here?
is it wrong, is it right…is it so dichotomistic?
should another’s opinion dictate my own?
are corporations inherently bad, evil, corrupt?
aren’t we all consumers of something–the question remains which kind and how does our consumption affect/determine who we are?
and so the questions swirled about me as i wrapped up the packing, moving, storing.
what kind of possessions do i own?
do they own me?
am i driven by them?
am i fine without them?
and what kind of consumer am i?
how faithful am i living out the gospel–living simply, living holistic, living christ-centered?
what does that look like…does it look the same for everyone, or is each situation different, each person different, each conviction different?
i have stuff…i have a lot of stuff. and i live/work in a culture surrounded by stuff, having stuff, accumulating more stuff. in america. in middle-upper class environments. in a high-end environment.

so today, i asked a few friends, “just how much stuff does one need,” and i shared some other thoughts going through my mind. how affirming they were. affirming of me, affirming of who i am, affirming of how i live my life, affirming of the choices i’ve made, affirming of the paths i have chosen to walk, affirming in ways i needed to hear. and although i am trying to make sense of the questions, i feel a little more balanced and well-equipped to do so. i feel a little more understood. i feel a little more like myself.


2 thoughts on “thinking.

  1. i’m glad you found answers. sometimes when i ask questions like that i feel like i just have to say i dont know and keep pressing on in the bigger picture.

  2. i hear you…most of the time i fail to arrive at any answers. we must keep pressing on. pressing on without being hindered by the questions and/or doubts that seem to loom over us.
    sounds like words i need to hear for this new phase of life and time of transition.

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