my own pace.

i heard sounds behind me throughout my run this morning…sounds like someone approaching me from behind. only when i had a mile left did i realize those sounds were only in my mind…simply lingering in my subconscious from days before. on my run the other morning, i was behind another lady for half a mile. i finally came to her and passed her…passed her easily going my normal pace. she, apparently, was not ok with the pass…she sped up so she was on my heels.

insert pet peeve: i hate that…
why can’t people just let you pass them?
it wasn’t like we were in a race (then, it is totally acceptable); it was a leisurely jog around the rose bowl for crying out loud.
clearly i had been running faster than her for the last half mile…
why couldn’t she just let it go?

so i sped up, she followed suit…this cycle continuing until i was almost sprinting. frustrated with her inability to let me pass, i stopped ran a little bit in another direction, then assumed my original direction and pace. i had to get my bearings straight. i could not let my circumstances dictate my response…that needed to come from within.

but for the last few days, i haven’t been able to shake the experience…or the intense feelings of competitiveness that rise up within me. the last few days i have felt this competitive spirit coming out…now it makes sense.
just like those ‘footsteps’ i thought followed me for 2 miles this morning, i had heard ones like it at work this week…knowing something was going on, just unsure of what.
i began to fear,
i began to size up my competition,
i began to get ready for a fight.

but unlike my first response of questioning the lady in my mind and turning around to give her a mean look (yes, childish, i know), i know my ‘real’ life response must be different.
i know that in my ‘real’ life, i must continue on at my own pace, running my own race. i am not running the race of another; i am only running my own. just as i need others to encourage and cheer me own, i can’t forget to encourage those behind me nor fail to cheer on those ahead of me. i cannot let the circumstances around me hold me back from my own course…and i cannot let how others handle the situation discourage me from the race.
i’ve got to keep running,
keep to my own course,
run my own pace,
dispelling the ‘ghosts’ that follow.


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