memory erased.

you’re erasing her from me, you’re erasing me from h…

joel says, realizing his ex has just had her memory erased of him, as he seeks to do the same.
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind is a film dealing with getting over romantic love,
getting over being hurt,
erasing memories of the people you have loved from your mind,
yet somehow finding memories of hurt, of love, of longing, of belonging…
all the while realizing what was had was better than what is now.
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it is a funny concept to think about actually…having one’s memory erased.
especially in this circumstance of a love gone wrong, a simple misunderstanding (or several of them), a regret that a relationship actually began, a wound festering, a need unmet…

but i guess there is within each of us a memory we wish could be erased (or several of them).
a bad decision,
a wrong relationship,
a love turned sour,
a word spoken harshly,
an act done to us.
a regret we tire of living with daily, wanting peace of mind…or a spotless mind.

to contemplate having a memory erased of a single person seems rather impulsive (which clementine claims to be)…
seems like a means of escape, rather than a coping…
seems like the easy way out…
seems selfish in thinking only of wounds or hurtful memories, rather than healing or joyous times shared.
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as i pondered the thought of erasing those with whom i have been in previous relationships (either friendships where ways have parted, acquaintances from whom i have suffered harm, or romantic relationships that have left me wanting, i could not imagine my life without these memories. although each of them signifies a wound, each of them also bears a mark of healing.
the healing of dealing with painful acts, words, and memories.
the healing of getting over one love and trusted.
the healing of forgiving wrongs and being forgiven of wrongs.
the healing of learning who i am, what i can handle, and the strength that comes in the finding of this.
the healing of seeing the good amid the bad, the joy amid the pain, and remembering positive elements of the relationship and the character of the individual.

with this, i question mary when she quotes alexander pope’s poem entitled, “eloisa to abelard” which she takes from bartlett’s familiar quotations,

How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d.

is this individual truly happy?
is he/she truly blameless in the hurt, in the wrong, in the wound inflicted?
would the individual be happy in forgetting the world and previous memories–like starting over…from the beginning?
does this “eternal sunshine” seem like a pipe dream, rather than reality? and does a “spotless mind” seem like simply ignorance?
how realistic is a place where every prayer is granted and every longing satisfied?
would we be the people we are if we never had to hear the word ‘no’, face rejection, or experience failure?
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i am glad to have the memories of the past and of previous relationships to harken me from whence i have come, shed light onto new paths for the future, and cause me to smile reflecting on the good and the bad,
the joy and the pain,
the acceptance and the rejection,
the laughter and the hurt
the endings and the new beginnings.

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