i have quickly seen the results of my own folly. i have lived my life for awhile—at least the past 6 months—doing much. leaving a full-time job to attend seminary in southern california, i have sensed the need to work as much as i can to pay for my expenditures. one commitment after another, has led me to commit to things—jobs, relationships, schedules,etc.—that i simply cannot. the last few weeks of the quarter, i have seen that although i may be doing a lot, i am actually accomplishing very little…or effectively, that is. getting 5 hours of sleep a night, virtually quitting running or working out, having no time in my schedule to complete school work, working all 3 jobs in one day (at least once a week), eating junk that is so unhealthy, spending little time with God because of the many commitments i have made is just not cutting it.
after praying about this dilemma, and evaluating my life (the current state of it), i have decided to make some changes…for me personally. as i read finding God’s will: a pagan notion?, i was challenged by waltke’s statement concerning busyness: “…filling their lives with activities. i wonder sometimes if they aren’t wearing themselves out with activity because they don’t have a mature spirituality. it takes a mature person to say no to another person” (155-56). ouch! if this is the case then i am simply not mature…yet. i am quickly realizing the folly of my ways…and the consequences of these ways. i have realized that i must say no to keep living…and to keep my commitments from draining me completely, leaving me with nothing left to give. thus, the questions remain: what must i give up? what can i handle? what will be a drain? what will refresh me?
it is in answering these questions that i will begin to practice self care, that i will be of use for God, that i will be able to be what God created me to be.
excerpts taken from:
waltke, bruce. finding the will of God: a pagan notion? grand rapids: eerdmans publishing company, 1995.
if you could walk in my shoes... 