missing out.

just not the same when you’re not there.
as i got off the phone with dad earlier, i started crying (or continued the crying i had started while still on the phone).
crying because i am missing out.

missing out on meeting angela (hence, rusty’s facebook status change),
missing out on going with mom to look at the townhouse (rather than simply seeing pics online),
missing out on finding out about ralph’s fall 3 days after it happened (and only because grandma called me…not because i called her to check on them),
missing out on living life alongside those with whom you dearly love…and who dearly love you.
missing out on being so close to my family.

that’s what i am missing out on today.
although i will see them in just a few days, it is still hard today.
still hard to be away.
still hard to communicate simply by phone, email, or text (no person-to-person communication).
still hard to find out later, to not be apart, to not be there.

longing to be home…
and not miss out on being part of my family.

i am counting down the days….