flawed.

…while the makeup artist frantically sponges concealer onto my scraped knees and bruised calves. i am not merely flawed; i am one giant flaw that has manifested itself as an ambulatory being.
~diablo cody (for those of you who don’t know, the writer of the film juno) on describing her pre-oscar makeover in “my oscar weekend,” entertainment weekly, 7 march 2008, page98.

loved hearing diablo’s description of the regala that accompanied her attendance at the oscar’s. she is now part of it and has to play the part, even this part:

i drive to the dior boutique in beverly hills to see my oscar gown for the first time. since i am no longer permitted to dress myself…

loved hearing the description of herself–as flawed–despite the attempt to make her appear unblemished…or perfect, if you will. diablo knows she’s not–not perfect, not unblemished, and doesn’t exactly fit the hollywood mold–and readily admits it
…despite what her stylist, makeup artist, et cetera would have you believe.

i feel quite similar to diablo, except i don’t have a separate stylist or make-up artist–i play all of these roles on my own–concealing blemishes and bandaging my own bruises, attempting to maintain some status i have concocted in my mind.

i, like diablo, am not simply flawed–not simply a few broken parts–but i am completely flawed (“one giant flaw” as she calls it)–with nothing perfect, good, or redeeming in me. i should be free to admit that…maybe i am getting there.
unlike diablo, i have no oscar’s to which appear…i have nothing for which i need to impress. i want to be able to dress myself, not feel the need to conceal my rough edges, or bandage up my scars.
…and admit i am one giant flaw that has manifested itself as an ambulatory being.