passed.

i had made numerous appointments the past few weeks with the dmv to obtain my california driver’s license. having a driver’s license in another state bides you the freedom from having to take a behind-the-wheel test…only to leave you sitting at a desk with your #2 pencil answering the 26 question multiple choice written driving test.

and there i found myself late friday afternoon.
but let’s get there first.

i leave my apartment at 4pm, thinking this would afford me plenty of time to make my 4:20 dmv appointment…hardly.
i wheeled into the packed parking lot at exactly 4:17, scouring for any empty spaces.
none.
i drove around at least 3 or 4 times looking for a space…vowing not to give up.
finally found a front one, parked my car, and ran to the door marked, “appointment only” only to come to a drastic halt because of the people bustling in and out of the building. i have never seen so many people in a small room…packed in.
these people weren’t going home anytime soon.
it was now 4:25 and these people were waiting for their number to be called and to be serviced by 5pm.

i looked around the room several times, looking for the appointment line…only to remain lost.
i stood in one, got out of it realizing it wasn’t the one i wanted, then entered a new one.
i tapped the lady in front of me on the shoulder, asking if she knew what line we were standing in. she wasn’t much help at first–until i explained my situation–to which she responded that she assumed we were both in the correct line.

i made my way to the next available window, showed the lady my alabama license and passport, walked away with a form to fill out and a number which would determine when i would proceed to the next window. as i began to fill out my form, i listened for numbers being called out over some p.a. system…but i heard nothing. i realized while i was filling out this form, i also needed to watch the tv monitors set up around the room for my number to appear. i got a little panicky wondering what would happen if i missed my number because i was filling out my form and not watching the monitor.

my number appeared and i approached the appropriate window.
i handed the man my form and passport.

you’re here for a written test?

affirmative.

you’ll need to come back sometime next week because we don’t give written tests after 4:30pm.

oh no. i calmly (although i was anything but internally) explained that i had an appointment for 4:20, although it was now quickly approaching 4:40, and that it was ridiculous for me to come back to take a test next week. he said he would see what he could do.
he came back to the window and ordered me to meet him at yet another window.

i walked briskly across the room, around all those gathered, to the written test room.
the lady behind the window gave me a test and told me to return to her when i was finished…never once making eye contact.

i finished soon enough and stood in line to have this same lady grade my test.
i quickly noted she was the gate-keeper…anyone seeking to pass the test ought to try to please her. she allowed no unauthorized person into the 350 square footage examination room. if anyone waiting on someone having his or her test graded approached the doorway, she strongly ordered them to step away from the doorway, letting them know they were not authorized to be there.

monotone.
gruff.
orderly.
serious.

i stepped up to the window, gave her my test and waited. from where i had been waiting in line, i could see her circling the wrong answers of those who had gone before me. but from where i now stood, i could only see her forehead. nothing. only an utterance of “hmmmm….”
what did that mean?
had no idea.

can i see your alabama license?

she barked.
i handed it over.
she punched a hole in the top right corner, handed it back to me along with a couple of papers stapled together.

you’ll get your license in the mail.

oh, ok…so i passed?

yes, you passed [in her monotone voice], next….

week four reflection.

I had met Jay Bakker several years ago while in Atlanta on a mission trip where we were staying in a building that served as Jay’s office for Revolution so I was very intrigued watching his documentary on class Monday. I found his journey from ministry to punks to a more inclusive stance refreshing as I appreciate seeing and hearing how he wrestles through this acceptance of the transgender population. I appreciate it because I feel as though I am navigating a similar space in wrestling with the how I view the homosexual population, both within and outside the church. What I have noticed in my life, and from what I say in Jay, it all changes when you are in relationship, when you get to know someone with whom you formerly disagreed with their lifestyle. It doesn’t necessarily mean you change, or your theology changes, but I do believe it leaves you different.

It seems as though Jay was impacted by a comment one of the transgender persons made…the comment the priest made after the person came to church: “Thanks for coming, but please don’t come back.” I am not exactly sure how it impacted Jay, but those words are still ringing in my ears. How could the priest of all people refuse community, belonging, love, acceptance, and grace to an individual? Is that even his judgment to make? I can’t help but think of Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount:
1″Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2) This judgment will come back onto the priest. As for me, I don’t want to be judged in that fashion, in a sense he was denying this individual salvation (or the means to)…especially since Jesus hung out with the very same people.

In the documentary, it said that the actual word ‘homosexual’ did not appear in the Bible until 1949. I had never heard this, but I thought that was interesting. I would like to do a little more investigating into this, but not sure exactly where to look. If that is the case, then what word was used, or how was the person and/or way of life described? Was the meaning changed by the addition of the word ‘homosexual’? These are questions I want to delve into and find out for myself the answer and the meaning behind the answer.

These are issues, questions, lifestyles, people that I enter class already wrestling with, struggling with, asking myself, and interacting among. Working in an environment that is rife with individuals, particularly men, that ascribe to homosexual lifestyles, I am questioning what I was taught about how they ended up as homosexual, is it right/wrong or a sin, where to draw the line. And I look at what I just wrote thinking that I am not even sure these are the right questions to be asking or issues to be wrestling with. So what is? I guess I am like Jay in that “people say, ‘Well, the Bible says…’ What does the Bible say and does it speak to these issues?” And have I seem it more in my tradition—my Western, Christian, conservative, Southern, evangelical one—rather than in light of something I have actually looked into?

It seems like maybe in reflecting on this week’s class, or in particular this one day of class, that I have simply touched on deeper issues, questions, and thoughts that I want to delve into further. I have been looking and thinking of something deeper I would like to explore in my final paper/project…maybe I’ve found it. Maybe in my further exploration, I will find the questions I should be asking, rather than the ones I often hear or settle for.