You are currently browsing the monthly archive for December, 2007.
change…
sometimes it is beneficial.
sometimes it is detrimental.
it is usually hard.
it is sometimes easy.
it takes time to adjust.
there have been several changes of late in my life…ones that have made me contemplate the current status of things and long for the past.
the design of my blog for one.
i am not sure what happened–actually, i am completely clueless. last night as i signed on to write a post, my blog looked different.
it was a different color.
the links weren’t quite where i left them.
and when i wrote my posting, only the first 1/3 of it posted…the rest was lost to my own personal viewing.
this change has been hard. i want things to return to normal.
i spent much time last evening trying to return things to normal.
i have spent much time this evening trying to recreate something i like.
this change is not easy, i am relishing the past, and am trying to adjust to the present status of things.
i was watching talladega nights for the first time last night when it came to the “dear baby jesus” prayer….
enough said.
even though i have heard about it, it didn’t spoil it for me. definitely think it was my favorite part.
even though the writers meant for this to be a funny scene–a spoof on prayer–i thought about how realistic this prayer really is.
it says a lot about how we view jesus,
the way in which we pray to jesus,
how we view prayer,
and what we anticipate from our prayers.
dear tiny infant jesus….
i like the christmas jesus best and i am saying grace. when you say grace, you can say it to grown-up jesus, teenage jesus, or bearded jesus or whoever you want.
dear tiny jesus…
he was a man. he had a beard…
look, i like the baby version the best…
i like to picture jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt…
i like to picture jesus as a ninja…
i like to picture jesus with giant eagle’s wings.
how do we normally view jesus?
do we always view him as a man, the bearded man we always see in pictures?
is it just at christmas that we view jesus as a baby, an infant, a tiny person?
do we ever view jesus as a teenager?
do we think that jesus might actually wear a tuxedo t-shirt and go to a party, actually having a good time (john 2.1-11)?
believe it or not, this prayer actually challenged me to think about jesus differently–as the tiny infant, as the young kid teaching in the synagogue, as the teenager learning his dad’s trade, as a carpenter, as a young man beginning his ministry, as…
the list could go on…and should.
for a time we lived in harmony. but like all great power some wanted it for good, others for evil. and so began the war. a war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death.
~from the movie, transformers.
this quote, uttered by optimus prime, at the outset of the movie sets the stage for what is to come. it is an all-out war between good and evil, good offering life whereas evil offers death. the war that wages on between the 2 powers…until one must come to an end.
as i listened to this quote, i realized this story seems vaguely familiar to one i am well acquainted with. the story of existence of good, and then the existence of evil, the 2 powers standing in opposition and clashing, the resulting battle, and the knowledge that one will inevitably end.
good to know that good will ultimately triumph evil…
ever noticed how the pep talk before the championship by a coach in sports movies is always so inspirational, calm, and composed? not that i have ever witnessed any in such a pinch personally, but it doesn’t seem like these sports’ movies depict the pep talks realistically…maybe more a bit ideally.
are coaches always that composed, never seeming as if they’re nervous?
do coaches always exude that much confidence in their players?
are the speeches they make always so inspirational…or just in the miraculous games that result in a win…or just in the movies?
even though i love sports movies, even though i love movies based on true stories, even though i love the down-and-out who prove themselves and capture the W, even though i cry every time…
these last minute pep-talks seems a bit nostalgic to me.
hung out with lydia and pierre in rancho cucamonga tonight.
decided to get dinner.
thought about the hat–known for their world-famous pastrami–until lydia mentioned lucille’s bar-b-q.
i have to admit that i was a bit skeptical, even as i read the menu which boasted: “the best bar-b-q in the country or maybe the state or maybe the whole south!”
lydia said she had never seen me so excited about food before, as i read aloud the options listed…
fried dill pickles.
fried okra.
pulled b-b-q pork sandwiches.
potato salad.
sweet tea.
greens.
cheese grits.
sweet potatoes.
fried catfish.
jambalaya.
gumbo.
banana pudding.
biscuits.
…just to name a few.
one might not find all of these options on the menu of a southern bar-b-q joint, but all of them are southern delicacies.
i felt at home.
ate until i was stuffed, then took a whole plate of food to-go. most excited about the leftover greens pierre gave me (although they substituted spinach for turnip greens–the best part!).
felt so good to come “home.” 
spending christmas in pasadena, away from all that is familiar and devoid of all tradition, was more of a pleasant experience than i could have imagined. i began the day with margit and her family as we watched the kids open their gifts.
there were multiple opportunities to play guitar hero III, dance dance revolution, and sing star on the play station. i think hansen played guitar hero most of the morning, while mary proved her skills at dance dance revolution. i am sure the kids enjoyed sing star but it seemed margit and i were the ones enjoying it the most, singing all the 80’s hits…with or without the mic.
sarah was far less impressed with the playstation games, passing them up for her make-up set. she spent hours giving herself a makeover as she and mary prepared for a fashion show we never had.
then, i became the subject of a makeover. funny how i never wear make-up in real life, but i allowed myself to get “made-up” by a 6 year-old. who needs burke williams or spa 180 when you have personal make-up artist, hair-stylist, and manicurist sarah peck at your disposal?
working retail management at christmas removes something of the holiness of the holiday (or for me it has).
i have had a hard time separating the day from its meaning.
i have had a hard time reflecting on what it means to me personally, rather than simply what it means to me professionally.
i have had a hard time resting and relaxing amid the chaos of retail.
i have had a hard time knowing how i should see this holiday and feel in response and how devoid of feeling i am at the moment.
with rest, relaxation, and refreshment comes a renewed line of thinking and corresponding feeling. i eagerly await this.
what does going home for christmas mean?
it was a question posed at church last sunday…thought it was one worth reflecting upon, so i have.
going home means…
making plans for mom’s birthday (just 2 days before christmas).
wrapping gifts for my family.
baking holiday goodies with mom.
going shopping with various members of my family.
going to see granny’s old house and placing new flowers on hers and granddaddy’s grave.
eating holiday goodies at grandma’s (fruitcake cookies, divinity, cheese straws, red velvet cake).
candlelight service at church.
having my family open the gifts i have picked out, purchased, and wrapped for them.
going back-and-forth between mom and dad’s at least 4 times within 24 hours.
helping mom with christmas lunch–organizing, planning, and getting ready.
choosing a gift to give jesus for the coming year.
what going home for christmas means to me this year–being thousands of miles away from family and by myself…
purchasing gifts early–planning on what i think everyone would like, envisioning their response–involving countless send sales from work and multiple trips to the post office.
reflecting on each member of my family and what they mean to me.
missing my family…more than ever.
accepting the fact that it will be hard, knowing that i do not have to be strong (even though i am still trying to be).
wanting my family to have extra special gifts since i won’t be there (like my gifts are somehow substitutes for my presence).
placing more importance on continual relationships with family rather than a one-day or few days of concentrated time.
desiring to talk to my family more.
realizing that relationships are most important.
there is a song i have heard at work countless times throughout the holiday season that contains the line, “christmas just ain’t christmas without the ones you love.”
i would agree.
sharing moments like these are priceless.
i’ve decided that i am almost famous. i am sure it is just because i live in the LA/Hollywood area and it seems that everyone is in the industry.
but i thought i would make a list of my debuts since being here just under 2 years (if i keep this up, i just might have a starring role by the end of 2008)…
*take home chef…twice.
curtis (the chef who “takes home” pretty women in the grocery store to help them make some fabulous meal for their man) came into the williams sonoma in pasadena a few times to film as he picked out some cooking essentials.
take 1. the first time, i was a complete moron. josh was helping curtis and i heard him call over the walkie for some soufflé dishes to the stockroom upstairs. i just happened to be there, so i told laurie i would take them down. i wasn’t exactly paying attention because i was already thinking about my star debut…so, when i came downstairs i gave josh 2 soufflé dishes #2 (the size). he looked at the dishes, looked at me, then said, “thanks, jen. could you get me the tall ones?” he should have just said (into the camera), “moron…i said 2 tall soufflé dishes #2 but you were too concerned about your hair being perfect or your lipstick not being on crooked that you clearly were not paying attention to what i called up on the walkie.” or that is what i said to myself as i walked back up stairs to trade out the normal size for the tall ones, completely humiliated by my first chance at stardom.
take 2. i came into work a couple of days later and louis told me i would be helping curtis today when he came into the store, to which i protested. a few of us were standing in the front room of the store when the cameramen entered…and all the other employees vacated. i was left alone to help the camera crew, as well as curtis. i wasn’t briefed on what my role was or my script so i was unsure if i was to speak or not. not wanting to foul up my second TLC appearance, i kept my mouth shut…until. until we were at the register and i was attempting to read the sku on the marble cheese board, which was smudged and illegible. i decided to bide my time by asking curtis what he would be cooking. i have no idea what the menu included but all i know is that as he was reeling off the items, i successfully deciphered the sku…and saved myself from yet another humiliating filming experience.
the secret life of…starring george duran. 
the food network came to film one of our cooking classes. and film they did. they took over the store for about 1/2 a day, filming monica as she did what she does best…shine in front of an audience. never did i think i would actually make it on the show since i was just doing my job, helping customers acting like this was a normal day in the store. somehow, i seemed to make an appearance. check out my cameo. you can see me in the background wearing a white sweater, craftily moving the products on the counter exactly 1/2 and inch to the left. did i mention that i have had quite a few humiliating filming experiences? add this one to the list.
a few days before thanksgiving, jennifer love hewitt came into the store to pick up a few key thanksgiving day preparations–focaccia stuffing, turkey gravy base, cranberry relish, and monkey bread. as i rang her up i asked her if she needed the mold in which to make the monkey bread. she answered in the affirmative, gratefully. she responded, “thank you so much! what would i have done when i got home and wanted to make the monkey bread? i would have been so mad that i did not have it then.” i agreed that there is nothing more frustrating than not having everything you need.
although i wasn’t asked to co-star in her next series, i was able to make small talk–just like she was a normal person–to a celeb.
local news.
after finishing our morning run at the rose bowl a few weeks ago, margit and i were approached by a news anchor from a local news station to ask us our thoughts on the possibility of usc playing at the rose bowl. margit deferred to me, so the cameraman turned on the lights and began rolling the tape. the anchorman continued asking me my opinion as a pasadena resident, to which i had none. i only had an opinion as a sports fan. i had to rush off to work but margit caught the tale end of the news segment. she didn’t see my interview but she did see the lady they approached as we drove away. think i must have gotten edited out of the segment.
tim roth and his wife, nikki, frequent the store just to pick up a few items here and there…never a small purpose. i have helped her in the past, but never for this duration and never them both. i found myself continued to be called back to them as they thought of another question, something else they needed, or a chance to empty out their hands of the product which kept their hands occupied. tim seemed a bit impatient as i placed his special order, asked for his ID, and asked for him to stay while i printed him a copy of the order for confirmation. looks like i missed my chance at a co-star role with tim, whom would be way too impatient for my novice acting skills.
reggie southerland, 
a food network chef,
came into the store for some late night shopping and taste testing. he asked me about the candies because he wanted to take some to a neighbor for the holidays. i helped him pick out an unusual kind of candy to take to his neighbor. he enjoyed the free tasting of hot chocolate and sticky paws. once again, another celeb encounter that proves to be a normal interaction, no different from any other customer that i had helped that day.
if anything actually does pan out, i think i will see if louis’ dad can do my make-up…or at least give me pointers on how to wear it. maybe i could even get a family discount…or a first-time discount for my “first” official filming.
peace.
it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
~unknown.
i bought these christmas cards because of the quote on the outside.
as they have been sitting in the package, waiting for me to sign and address them,
the message has permeated my mind.
since when have we equated peace with relaxation?
since when have we assumed that peace is some angelic state of mind and being?
since when have we concluded that peace means absence?
i understand it to mean something quite contrary…even more so now.
after having this quote alter my thinking,
seeing that my life at the moment is chaotic, yet somehow peaceful,
and reflecting that none of these accurately describe the scene of events at the manger.
we often assume joseph and mary were a quiet and contented couple. it seems to us that nothing ruffled their feathers (so to speak) and they simply accepted the turn of events.
but did they?
what was going on within them?
and what about the dire circumstances that surrounded them?
a pregnancy occurring out of wedlock…
a long journey while mary was late in her pregnancy…
a new place where apparently they had no one with whom they could stay…
unexplainable circumstances, the unknown, so much responsibility.
i think joseph and mary were a lot like you and me…and unlike the haloed, calm, stress-free couple we often see depicted in paintings.
what about the stress, anxiety, worry, concern, fear?
…and what about god’s peace?
a peace in the midst of unexplainable circumstances,
a peace in the midst of the unknown,
a peace in the midst of so much responsibility.
a peace that stifled the stress,
a peace that calmed the anxiety,
a peace that alleviated the worry,
a peace that removed the concern,
a peace that dispelled the fear.
this is a peace that can only come from the god who offers such peace.
a god who offered this peace to mary amid the troublesome news.
28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God.
~luke 2.28-30
a peace that allowed mary to respond with calmness in her heart.
38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me according to your word.” Then the angel left her.
~luke 1.38
a god who offered this peace to joseph as he responded to the news.
19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.
~matthew 1.19-20
god extends this peace to us as well.
